There it is. I can see it, clear as day, though the ebony disease has long since devoured me into its abyss. It’s chains already engraved within my arms, already embedded into my body. Try as I might to stretch out my hand, I am restrained yet again. All that I wish for, is to feel its embrace. To treasure it in my hands. Once. Just once! Call me selfish, greedy, slander me to your heart’s content. I am but a mortal servant in this infinity, no purpose, no goal, here to merely exist. What do you care for my past, or my future? I am me as I exist in the present. And as it is now, I am imprisoned by this misfortune.
In the eyes of my Gods, I am not but an infant, I will be greedy, I will be persistent in what I yearn for, and I shall never rest till I receive what it is that I crave. All that I want now is the warm embrace of a father. I wish to experience the love of a mother. I want to feel the affection all of you were gifted with. Before me I see a family of 3. A happy family consisting of a loving husband and wife, and a small box of glee. A little creature of joy.
I should also be a little box of hope, so why am I like this? I’m reaching out, I’m trying my best, I’m extending my hand as far as possible. I, too, want to be filled with such beautiful emotions. Then what is it that I lack? Why must it be ME that is overflowing with monstrosities. Filled to the brim with jealousy, hatred, sorrow, vengefulness. I have exerted all my possible energy and efforts into becoming a peaceful creature, for all to feel at ease around me. So why do you flee? Why do you stay for a mere moment, to rise my hopes and increase my love. Why do you stick by my side only to leave just as fast? I may not have been brought up the same as you, indeed our nurturing differs immensely. But I fail to understand why this instils fear upon you. I loved you with all that I had, and you trod onto it like nothing. I sacrificed all the flowers of my heart and you set fire upon them.
Why?
I am left with that question alone. While these shadows immerse me into their livers, sucking the last blotches of hope stained upon my skin, I am still left to be the one wondering. Desperately trying to identify my flaws for the satisfaction of you. The image of a happy, flourishing family has been painted, tattooed into my eyes. Every time I rest my heavy eyelids, I am haunted by my desires, my expectations. I must fit in to my standards, it is the only way I will be loved.
I must become child to be treasured!
But who will I be treasured by?
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