I have always perceived humans to be rather esoteric things. To clarify, I speak of humanity, not humans themselves. No. in fact, now that I think of it, every living organism is so inexplicably obscure in their mannerisms. I feel this undying curiosity to delve deeper, to understand this space around me.
Though I despise it all equally. Mn... Forgive me. I’ve spoken untruthfully yet again, for my hatred for humans surpasses that of anything I have ever disliked. It’s not as if I fear them, how could I? And I don’t pity them in the least. Well, perhaps the minority you could argue are vulnerable. While the strong prey on the weak since the beginning of time, they stay indignant on the illogical notion that they are superior to the rest of their kingdom. But that would be indulging myself in the hostility of nepotism, which even a monster such as I have sworn not to participate in.
Humans are undeniably the most ferocious creatures I have ever encountered, and the most complex to add. Their ideology of hypocrisy is the most ironic of all, and I cannot help but smile in utter disbelief. These god-forsaken species are the most hypocritical of all, every last one of them. They live their lives unbothered day in and day out, completely inconsequentially. Humans have lost their very own defining characteristic; it was the last imperative feature to keep them from this overlooked disgust I feel. Yet they have failed even at that. I simply cannot imagine the discontent Prometheus must feel with his creations he so carefully crafted with his own hands. Him and I both see humans in sight, but no signs of humanity.
I call myself a monster, by whose definition? They call themselves humans, by WHOSE definition? “Humans” are just as good as monsters as I am, but at least I am aware of my felonies. At times I question even myself, whether being self-aware really that good. If it’s really a skill I deem to be praiseworthy. It means I cannot enjoy the small, fragmented, fleeting moments without acknowledging that everything is temporary.
Truthfully, I can’t recall the last moment I have ever been truly happy. Whenever I come even close to the sensation, I remind myself that everything is non-permanent, and that later this moment will ever be a memory. Either I, or the people or the situation will inevitably perish, be forgotten, and… become a questionable illusion (which I am not sure whether really did occur) which I will never be able to return to. I like to conclude that all emotions are futile, and a weakness. Emotions advance to relationships, and relationships are a barrier, they hold me back. They make me vulnerable. Precisely why I do my best to act indifferent, but I simply cannot. I am unable to do so. I do try, I really do, but I just can’t.
I try and I can’t. I think and I know. I am aware of the consequences, yet I trust so easily! I trust and I clown to their leisure. And am slandered. This is the third face of mine that nobody sees. Nobody, nobody ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. No omni-benevolent, no ubiquitous being can define. Hell, I do not know how to define even my own self! It’s insane. Definitions are so complex, so diverse and difficult- a waste of time. Yet I can’t help but consume its flavours. Why does my tongue feel drawn to the things that will only ever hurt me? I know, I know this life is full of hurt, and that life is unfair, cruel. Even those moments of peace are to evolve into carnivorous plants, eating away at your brain as you lay in your coffin. I know very well what my hopeless future owns, yet I can’t help but yearn for peace. Anything, just some self-satisfaction. It’s not much to ask for, is it? I am just a creature, I have never belonged, and I don’t expect any hospitality either. But even the smallest amount of acceptance of my real face. I am not God’s favourite, I admit. However, I am neither Satan’s kin. So why must I be treated like this? You spout these absurd, foul words at me, yet I fit none of their definitions. So, what really is the point? The words you drown me in don’t mean what you say, yet I perceive them to be exactly that. Humans just have this unnatural way with words.
Maybe that is what makes them so detestably terrifying.
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