Ubiquitous Blue

Like a star you shine so brightly, like the guiding light I’d never been granted.

Small besides the moon, you are incomparable, yet have an eerie, mystical beauty of your own. What can I say? Me, a mortal unworthy of your wonders. You shine brightest in the darkest blue, and when the world’s hope disappears, you arrive. Bringing all your parts with you. Your love, your regrets, your joy. Every star I see is but a fragment of you, my darling. Verily, you are overlooked when the sun’s gilding rays feel warm against our skin. But when all the miracles have vanished, and when the engulfing warp appears, you will always be there. There to host an embrace I had never received but needed so very deeply.

Ever since the day you left this world, this cruel earth, I have wandered aimlessly. My life has become a boundless journey of pursuing meaningless tasks, engaging in nonsensical conversations. Nobody understands me the way you once did, and I am afraid nobody ever will. When I lay my head on my coffin, the moon’s ghastly rays blinding me, I become one at the mercy of his thoughts. From the moment I awaken from my blessed slumber to the minute I step back into this lonely house; I fill my mind with all that’s imaginable. Running errands for people I despise, conversing with people that would otherwise incur my wrath. I occupy my mind with these frivolous labours to block out any meddlesome thoughts.

I am a man imprisoned within myself. I have become an innocuous butterfly with cerulean wings, incarcerated within my very own rib cage. What did you see in this pathetic man?

Here now you look down from the sky to see a lonely gentleman ambling through the streets of Paris. The pattering of violent rain almost deafening against his hood. People scurry home, covering their tiny, worthless heads with newspapers, umbrellas, office bags, all sorts. But here I am, leisurely making my way to finally meet you. The smell of damp, dirt and humidity almost refreshing, the loud clomp of my boots heavy against the concrete roads. Foreigners take refuge from the raging rain under the cantilever umbrellas of various nearby cafés. I had just returned from one, we would often visit there on lazy Sunday afternoons, even meeting the workers when not needed.

That was how you were, a crystal soul aglow in the crowd. The epitome of mercy.

The warmth of the bakery packet seeped through to my skin. My return to the house begins. I dare not call it home, for it provides me with no sense of belonging. Familiar paths, familiar signs, and familiar people all swim over my head. I am captivated in a whirlpool of thoughts, making it so, that I step into the boutique to find the carpet beneath me utterly drenched. Unsurprisingly, there’s a trail of wet footprints from the front door to where I stand.

“Welcome to Altermundi Commerce, how may I assist you?” says a lady dressed in all black, even her hair obsidian like her eyes. The only colour on the woman would be the tan of her skin and the jade white pin with her name etched upon it, Dominique.
“I’m looking for a trench coat.”
She rambled on about supposedly “bargain prices” and my great luck. She showed me one and I bought it immediately, replacing the one I wore previously. She shot me a kind smile as I left, but I knew she didn’t care about me. She didn’t care about any of her customers, and that warm smile was most definitely fake, like the inky nails glued on her slim hands.

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When I step outside, my coat does not bleed to a darker shade of navy, but rather stays the same. A cold, blistering wind scratches at my eyes, provoking them to tears. Ebony locks of hair flutter wildly in the wind, and I regret not buying a hat to keep my ravenous hair kept, and ears warm. I dwell not long on the thought and continue walking. At this hour, there is not a soul in sight as I walk to my destination - a rather desolate lake.

But when the merciless fire subsides into a pink ash, and when death comes out to play, the greatest god of them all descends from the heavens. Selene herself watches over me, almost as if I can see her radiant white glow split into a gentle smile, her eyes into crescents as she ensures my safety. Surely, I would have been a dead man if it weren’t for the hope she gave me. Hope that you and I would reunite so that I may dote on you once again. Oh, how I wish to prove this to you. If you were a god, surely you would be the most successful and prosperous, for my offerings to you would be endless.

The moon paints an alabaster shimmer, like holy smoke, onto the lake before me. Blue carnations glimmer on the surface, solemn as always. You had planted them yourself, if only you had stayed long enough to see them bloom. Nevertheless, they remained buds, premature, as did our love. You abandoned me in this cold, and we never blossomed in each other's arms. This powder blue, frosty pair of teeth is the last thing you left me, and I kiss it goodnight. I stare at my reflection, blurred as always. It’s as if I bare an invisible face; the features were there but wielded no identity, no significance. I dip my trembling finger within the deep waters, then an arm, a leg, and now you see me immersed in this glacial wonder. I never learned how to swim, my body sinks deeper, and my eyelids open, like a new-born baby. It’s cool against my skin, it’s quiet. Sapphire light surround me, bubbles spewing out a ubiquitous blue. Until we meet again, farewell.